1) Thank God It’s Fry-Day (Hmmmm… French fries…)
2) Trash Grapes In Fords
3) Thank George It’s Fled
4) Tell Gilbert I’ll Fly
5) Take Georgia In Flan

1) Have a little… chat with Mother Nature about this weather
2) Accelerate plans for world domination
3) Having achieved world domination, heavily restrict use of fossil fuels
4) Keep a large supply on hand, just in case the Republicans are right (statistically, they have to be right aboutsomething… Eventually)
5) Buy oceanfront property, sell to climate change deniers at only a small mark-up… If they’re right, I still make a small profit, if they’re wrong, I get to laugh louder

Climate change debate
Scientists be wrong, I hope
Taking swim lessons

1) Start camelCon, for enthusiasts of all things camel
2) Start HumpCon Already been done, it’s called “The Adult Entertainment Expo” or some such
3) Start WhaleCon, for enthusiasts of all… You get the idea
4) Start ConCon, which is not for con enthusiasts, but for convict enthusiasts
5) Finally, start CancunCanCancanCon, for cancan instructors

1) Contemplate if my foot has gone bad, and if I should lop it off at the ankle
2) If so, how do I attach the chainsaw?
3) Failing that, be thankful that the weather means that riding today would have been wet and miserable
4) Balance that with the fact that walking to the bus stop is wet and miserable
5) Gaze longingly at the mountain from my office window during my lunch, and then read a motherfscking book

1) Create an especially potent form of catnip for my feline fighting force
2) Remind chemist team that the fighting force is comprised of felines, not a fighting force formed to fight felines
3) Use the aforementioned catnip as a motivational tool for the aforementioned feline fighting force I’ve formed
4) Giggle every time a news anchor is forced to say “feline fighting force”
5) Up the humor by also forming a pussy riot control squad

1) Train the cats to be my unholy army of the night
2) … adopt more cats, so it’s not an army of two
3) Granted, 2 cats x 9 lives/cat == 18 lives, which *is* an effective force multiplier
4) Calculate minimum force requirements, divide by 9 to determine actual number of cats required
5) Develop laser pointer system powerful enough to keep all n cats on task

1) Try and keep up with this “early morning” trend
2) Remember that old proverb: Early to bed, early to rise, makes the brutal dictator seem wise
3) Write one manifesto paragraph about my impending world domination every morning veggie breakfast
4) Slowly work my way to decaf
5) Threaten the world with naught but decaf

Oh my fucking gods
How can this be my coffee?
For I yet doth sleep


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