1) Stock up on energy drinks and chocolate
2) Stop drinking energy drinks and eating chocolate
3) Determine the exact time it takes for 2 Hershey bars washed down with a Monster energy drink to take effect
4) Prepare these for race day
5) Don’t panic

Ready to race, right?
Oh god oh god oh god oh…
I am going to die…

1) Start camel polo league
2) Start humpback water polo league
3) Get Boeing as a sponsor (on the new 747s)
4) Get airlines to sponsor with advertising on their 747s
5) Have first CPL match in front of Notre Dame

1) Try not to panic about the Unicon XC Muni course… I’m in it for the fun. Right? Right???
2) Distract myself by riding really fast on my 36″ uni
3) Try not to panic at the thought of doing a 26 mile race on it when my personal distance record is 19. For an entire day
4) Describe my muni style as that of a dwarf from Middle Earth: I’m a natural sprinter, and very dangerous over short distances
5) Remember to bring my health card

1) Look upon the race course for Unicon
2) Weep silently
3) Weep openly
4) Prepare for riding it by buying good walking shoes
5) Practice hanging my head in shame

1) Install outdoor jungle gym/obstacle course in back yard
2) Practice going through it every day
3) Learn to control my fear
4) Build up my muscles and flexibility (especially with those hoop things!)
5) Become a ninja

1) Install flywheel system to handle power brown outs
2) Use super-capacitors as emergency power storage
3) Buy surplus Soviet nuclear reactor to enable living “off the grid”
4) Line walls of house with lead
5) Practice relaxing sphincter muscles for inevitable cavity searches when traveling (Hi Mr. NSA!!!)

Breathing so deeply
Forceful yet tender, gentle
Not college. Logan

1) Milk camel
2) Make camel-milk cheese
3) Make camel jerky
4) Camel-milk cheese-wrapped camel-bacon
5) Camel-bacon-wrapped cheese

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