1) Buy cheese, milk, peanut butter, maple syrup
2) Pick up The Mynock after school
3) Make list of items I’ll need for Tuckerman Ravine day trip
4) Look for sales on Winter Boots
5) Lubricate unicycle before lunch ride (really annoying squeak there)

1) Hook (weakened) taser up to alarm clock
2) Replace moisturizing strip on razor with caffeinating strip
3) Reopen the Bomp Case (I suspect that whomever put the bomp in the shabomp-bomp may also have let the dogs out)
4) Not so much “Dance like no one is watching”, more like “Maneuver out of the straitjacket while no one is watching”
5) Develop new whale & dromedary puns for tomorrow’s list…

1) Start an office pool about how long CNN will drone on and on about the most recent aircraft accident
2) Start an office pool about how long CNN will drone on and on about drones
3) Drone on and on about how long CNN is droning on and on about drones
4) Figure out how many times I can use the word “drone” in a sentence (preferably about CNN)
5) “Droning CNN drones droned about the drones droning near the droning drones…”

1) Start a charity to help the poor ducks, geese, and other migratory waterfowl that are just confused as fuck about the seasons this year
2) Of course some of said fowl will likely not survive… But their loss will not be in vain!
3) Use the fallen as a teaching moment about climate change, especially in Red States (if the ducks die out, what will you hunt during duck hunting season?)
4) Use the fallen as a delicious and romantic dinner main course
5) Use the meal as a teaching moment for how to make braised duck in a white wine sauce

1) Just start adding caffeine to everything
2) Food, drink, clothing, pets, you name it
3) When my body has built up a tolerance to it, just double the doses
4) Try to stop before my diet becomes 100% caffeine
5) Else, request a very well-padded coffin so that my jittery corpse doesn’t upset my funeral-goers

Sweet nectar of life
Hark! My coffee sense tingles!
Wait, no… It’s just me

1) Pillage Patagonia
2) Conquer Columbia
3) Subjugate Seattle
4) Torture Tasmania
5) Call mom to wish her a happy birthday

1) Find Chrysler engineers who designed the wheel bearings for the 2004 Intrepid
2) Find them help for their obvious substance abuse problem (Along with the engineers who designed the engine compartment, specifically the inspired location for the battery
3) If they have already found such help, congratulate them
4) Still obtain new bearing from a 3rd party supplier
5) Continue to gaze with desire upon the Kias, Hyundais, Hondas, Toyotas, and (sigh) Teslas…


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