1) Steal Acquire a bouquet of pretty flowers
2) Steal Acquire a plethora of chocolate
3) Lay out trail of chocolates to the bedroom
4) Place fancy sheets on the bed
5) Postpone anniversary plans since it’s a night my son is over, play Minecraft with him instead

1) Replace computers with abaci
2) Find high mountain cave
3) Make sure it has easy access to grocery store
4) And electricity
5) Give up on the idea of there is broadband service

1) Buy floss
2) Use it to garotte mine enemies
3) Buy toothbrush
4) Use it to scrub the eyes of mine enemies
5) Acquire enemies, so that I won’t have wasted $7 on needless dental hygiene products

1) Find plates of precious metal
2) Find followers and test their mettle
3) If they have personal problems, try to help, but not meddle
4) Clones to the left of me, Jedi to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you
5) Take over middangeard

1) I came, I saw, I apologized
2) Hump day comes unexpectedly
3) Really, this never happens to me
4) OK, those jokes were premature
5) This joke is anticlimactic

1) Let fingers rest
2) Try not to think of the novel I just spent 30 days writing
3) Fail at #2
4) Get confused about having time to do things besides write
5) Write

“Nick Has To Do…” will be on hiatus until December, due to NaNoWriMo. We apologize to our reader(s)

1) Stock up on Halloween Candy
2) Stock up on coffee
3) And chocolate milk powder
4) Put my eyes on the (metaphorical) prize
5) Commence countdown to literary abandon…

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